The family I grew up in definitely was um...different.  I'm going to spare you a lot of drama, but to put it short and sweet my old shrink told me one day in session that mine was the second worst childhood he had ever heard of.  The first was the man who wrote "A Child Called It".  I read that book and cried through it.  While I think what that man went through was the worst experience anyone could ever experience, I found myself empathizing with him because so much of it hit very close to home for me.  Anyways, I survived my childhood and after a lot of work "graduated" out of psychotherapy.  This blog could go in a number of different directions, but I'm going to make this one about family traditions.

I grew up in a "Christian" household (I use the term very loosely because it was more or less merely a front) so we as a family would drag our butts out of bed on Christmas morning to see if we actually got anything good that year.  Why we ever bothered to hope year after year is beyond me.  We would sit around and put on a phony smile for my father in the hope that that would be enough to fool him and shorten the torture as much as possible.  We weren't poor by any means, we just had incredibly selfish parents.  I remember every year wrapping up crayon colored pages torn out of a coloring book to give my siblings, as well as anything that was of value to me that I could pass along to one of them.  I think we recycled most of our childhood possessions this way.  As sad as I always was that my parents never really got us anything we wanted or liked, (I know it sounds terribly selfish but I couldn't help holding out for the dream - I was a child) I do remember waiting to see if my siblings would like the picture I colored in for them, or the half used bottle of perfume in the cute shaped bottle, or the trinket that one of my grandparents gave to me, and not my sister but she would end up getting that year.  The moments were brief, but it gave me genuine pleasure to see them smile if only for a moment.

I completely fell off the wagon with my own children their first few Christmases and bought them everything the room could hold.  This was very normal for my husband at the time and I had to fight with him in trying to convince him that yes, they really DID have PLENTY.  I have a home video of my son's first or second Christmas and I'm embarrassed to even watch it now.  All of the presents couldn't even fit in the viewfinder of the camera in one shot, and the video takes almost an hour and a half to see two children and their parents open their loot.  Eek. 

So where is the happy medium?  You have to try to understand - where this might seem like a very simple question for most of the general population, I have NO basis of comparison - I had no part of "normal" my entire upbringing.  Most people who know me are shocked that I even survived it, let alone came out with enough fortitude to want to still be good to other people.

So now here I am, divorced from my children's father and remarried to a very kind-hearted man with three children of his own to provide for.  Litigation has pretty much exhausted my financial resources so I'm getting creative now.  My husband has put together pretty much all of my children's presents this season.  I have a couple of small things for each of them, stocking stuffers, things like that.  I've been trying for years to wean them off of the focus that I misguided them to in the first place - presents, presents, presents!  But it's hard when every other year they spend Christmas with their father and he spoils them rotten with everything they want......but doesn't let them bring any of it home with them.  It has to stay there at his house (don't even get me started on that one). I do want them to have something they know I had to sacrifice a little for that they can enjoy at home.  I think my kids have been extremely understanding and have adapted to life with me very well.  I can't afford to spoil them and I think they are getting used to that.  So while I'm working on taking the focus off of the material part of this commercial holiday, I now want to start giving them memories that they can look back on in their adulthood and not hurt over.  I want them to have happiness in their memories.  

So far, we have an advent calendar that I made and painted by hand.  My kids take turns each year to be the one that gets to put the star on (the last ornament).  My step-children are now joining in on this tradition.  We always put up our fake tree the day after Thanksgiving.  Every year I make cinnamon rolls and we eat them while we open presents.  Afterwards, we always watch a Christmas movie on the tube.  My daughter has begun to show an interest in Wicca so I now would like to start celebrating Yule with her as well as Christmas.  I've always pretty much kept the meanings of Pagan holidays to myself but I don't give my kids the "religious" aspect of Christmas either.  As far as I'm concerned, it's not a religious holiday.  But I like the idea of celebrating the entire season instead of just one day.  My daughter's birthday is shortly after Christmas as well, so we get to extend the season to include that as well per her wishes.  She loves to have the tree up on her birthday.

What can I do for my kids for Yule?  What is the most important part of this holiday for you and your family?  I would like to start putting more focus on Yule than Christmas quite frankly, but have not ever dared exposing my kids to the full knowledge of what all of these "weird little holidays" really mean.  They know mom likes to have pumpkin pie on the first day of Autumn, that she always buys fresh flowers on the first day of spring, that she bakes something from scratch on the first day of winter, and that she opens all the windows in the house - no matter how hot it is - on the first day of summer.  But I'm sad that they don't know why.  My attorney has been very emphatic about not exposing my children too much to my faith because in the conservative county we live in she's quite certain it will "not bode well at all in court".  *sigh*  My daughter is old enough to begin learning and to understand the importance of "to be silent".  My son however, is still young and naive enough to inadvertently give his father all the ammunition he needs.  This is so pathetic, but it's where I am right now.  It just is.

I would love to hear your suggestions and advice on this one.  Share with me your favorite family traditions for this time of year. What foods do you love to eat on Yule or Christmas or both?  How many gifts do you typically give to each member of the family?  Or do you give gifts at all?  What activities do you share as a family?  Do you have any magickal traditions?  What music or movies are part of your holiday?  How long does your holiday last? 

I hope you all have a wonderful Yule season this year.  Thanks as always for reading my blog.